She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
