So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
