thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
