wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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