I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
