i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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