But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just want to make out with him forever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
