her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
