My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
