White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Even my vagina gasped.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
