Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
