if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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