We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
