I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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