your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
