Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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