From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
