Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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