I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
