Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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