I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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