8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
