I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
