i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
