The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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