Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
