can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
