Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
