why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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