She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
