Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
