I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
