Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I need water and some morals
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
