Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i think my cat just said my name.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
