i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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