Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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