I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
