I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
