so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize