so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
