He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
