The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
