I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
