I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we're so committed to being not committed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
