So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize