Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
