This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
