and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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