made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
