You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
