There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
