i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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