the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Panties = found
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