I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My first STD was from a foam party
Is it because I queefed?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
