Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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