I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
