I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
