You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
