i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
