Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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