I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
