I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize