I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
