I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
