JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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