too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
