miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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