Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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