Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
