I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
