It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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