You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
