just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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