someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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