you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize