The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
