Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
