Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
