Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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