just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm too high and old for this...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
