I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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