I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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