just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
