420 ftw
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
