i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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