She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
