You can't special order awesome
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
