I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize