Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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