You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
false alarm. still invincible.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
