Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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