just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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