..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
