He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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