Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
