Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize