The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
