I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
