I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
