I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
