I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We're too hungover to prance.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
