I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
