I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
