My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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