end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
