I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you had me at cake vodka
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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