Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The air was thick with penises
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Enjoy the penises
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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