I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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