I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
