dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
