Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
